Staying focused in this world of distraction can be very difficult. We’ve got so many things that demand our time and attention that it’s hard to decide what to focus on! However, having a specific and defined goal can be helpful in keeping one on the road to achieving one’s goals.

One aspect that’s highly beneficial to us achieving our ambitions is to have a teacher or a person in our lives that can give objective support and guidance.

After recently getting married, I can tell you personally that having a rabbi who has listened and given an outside perspective was an invaluable grounding force for my budding relationship.

I do have to admit, however, that finding that rabbi was a life-long and extremely difficult process.

When I first began becoming more involved in the Jewish world I started to learn from the book Pirkei Avot (or “The Ethics of our Fathers”). One statement in particular struck a nerve:

Rabbi Yehoshua Ben Perachya says, “Make for yourself a teacher…” (Pirkei Avot - Chapter 1, Mishna 6)

I always wondered what I would have to do to “make” (or find) my very own Rav (personal Rabbi). The concept was puzzling and concerned me - especially since I had always envisioned myself as a rebel. Having a rabbi decide things for me or tell me what to do was not an idea I found appealing in the least.

As I grew spiritually and started to understand the world a little more, it dawned on me: “making for myself a teacher” was not about giving up my free choice, but rather it entailed developing a relationship with someone I respect and admire. This would be a deep relationship- one that would be a constant work in progress; and this individual would really get to know who I was, where I can from and what I intended on doing with my life.

In order to build this type of relationship I realized I had to let go of the preconceived notion of “nobody tells me what to do!”- simply because in this particular circumstance it just didn’t apply. This teacher that I had now “made” was a person who had my best interests at heart and also had the life experience and Torah knowledge to be able to guide me in places where I couldn’t guide myself- whether because I had no objectivity or had no prior understanding or knowledge of the topic.

I just turned thirty this year (I know, *GHASP*, she told her age! Tabooooo…..) and until the beginning of last year I had never met a single person who would fit that void. In 2008, however, I was blessed to meet not just one such individual but two! Both of these teachers have had a massive influence on my life and have helped me gain insight and self-discipline.

I consider myself very fortunate as far as my rabbinic experiences go. Still, there are many people who have had negative experiences with their rabbis. Oftentimes, those that have that title “Rabbi” assume they have the right to judge, comment or criticize those who come to them for love and support. However, usually the best rabbis (or at least the best ones I’ve come across) are those who behave quite the opposite.

So what is a Rabbi or Teacher?

Well, the definition of a Rabbi (as per dictionary.com) is:
1. A person trained in Jewish law, ritual, and tradition and ordained for leadership of a Jewish congregation, especially one serving as chief religious official of a synagogue.
2. A scholar qualified to interpret Jewish law.

And the definition of a teacher is:
1. One who imparts knowledge or skill to
2. One who conditions to a certain action or frame of mind
3. One who causes to learn by example or experience

Not every person that has the title Rabbi has the wisdom, life experience or empathy that’s assumed to be connected to that role.

Not necessarily every Rabbi is a teacher, nor are they always right.

I believe that we, as a people, need good teachers. There are many respected rabbis, but the focus may need to shift from the title “rabbi” to the impact their words and deeds have on us as individuals and as a community.

There’s a sorely felt need for those that can be both a Talmid Chacham (wise man) and yetalso lead by example (living and breathing Torah), be non-judgmental and, most importantly, love all of B’nai Yisrael unconditionally.

I’d like to give us all the blessing that we make our rabbi/our teacher into our confidant; and that this relationship leads us to discover the rabbi/teacher within us. Our neshama, our soul, the Divine Spark, wants only good and to serve the Creator of the Universe - it just needs to be taught the way. May the soul in each of us be taught to soar, and may the true teachers of Yisrael stand up and be heard.

In today’s world it seems the word ‘appreciation’ is just not appreciated enough.

Think what an absolutely different world we would live in if individuals took it upon themselves to simply use the word “thanks” a little more often. It seems, however, that the ability to feel and show gratitude is a character trait that has fallen through the cracks and is not emphasized, taught and encouraged nearly as much as it should be.

In fact, at a young age we’re taught quite the opposite: the idea of self-sufficiency and independence. We learn that we must be strong and take what we want if we wish to get ahead in the world. When people get in our way, we need to figure out how to maneuver around them and get to the top to make our dreams a reality. And once we get there, well, we did all the work and we alone have earned it! All those who helped us along the way and guided and supported us, well, they’re not really that important anyway, right?

So, how do we address this feeling of entitlement that seems to permeate our everyday existence? When attacking an issue like this, empathy must come into play. I believe that people should follow their dreams. However, there is no need for that to impact the quality with which we treat others or the amount of appreciation we have for what we’ve already been blessed with. How often do we tell those closest to us that we’re grateful to have them in our lives? Far more often it takes losing a person to realize how much they really mean to us.

Hillel, one of the greatest Jewish scholars of all time described the essence of Judaism as such: “Love your brother as you would love yourself.”

Or, in other words, treat others as you yourself would like to be treated. Imagine yourself in another person’s shoes and you can really appreciate what they do for you. The school janitor, or the checkout bag-person, or even subordinates at work; these are all people who do work for you and are paid to do it- but that doesn’t make what they do any less valuable.

Jewish tradition gives us some clues with the blessings included in the morning service. Here are a few to give you a taste:

“Blessed are You, God, King of the Universe, who gave the heart understanding to distinguish between day and night”

“Blessed are You, God, King of the Universe, who clothes the naked”

“Blessed are You, God, King of the Universe, who releases the bound”

“Blessed are You, God, King of the Universe, Who has provided me my every need”

“Blessed are You, God, King of the Universe, Who gives strength to the weary.”

Why do we simply not just have one blessing which includes all of the above? They are separated in order for us to be able to show gratitude for EACH thing that G-d does for us- be it giving us clothes, providing for us, or giving us strength to get up in the morning.

Imagine waking each morning and sincerely thanking the Creator of the World that one is able to rise from bed, to be in full control of bodily functions, to enjoy a nutritious breakfast of one’s choosing, to be heartened by the aroma of that morning kick of caffeine. How sweet each day could be if we got up grateful to be alive?

We are the most privileged nation and people on the planet and yet somehow many of us choose to be unhappy and unappreciative of the gifts we are given every single day. It is easy to get up and focus on the challenges life offers. The traffic on the way to the office; the less than ideal job; family trials and tribulations or whatever unique problems persist. But why would you choose to be miserable with what you don’t have? Wouldn’t life be better if we focused on what we do?

Pirkei Avot – The Ethics of our Fathers teach us:
“Who is rich? He who is satisfied with his lot”

Living in Los Angeles we all know people trying to make it. The search for happiness abounds. Is it possible we are searching for something that we already contain within us? If we can take a moment to recognize and feel gratitude for what we do have rather than what we lack, who knows how much closer we can get to the destination of our long journey for happiness!

Suppose there’s a jigsaw puzzle composed of 10 000 pieces- our eyes immediately focus on the one piece that may be missing. Such is our awareness of our lives. But what if we stand back a little and look at the whole picture? Let’s see the gorgeous tapestry of the image of the many whole and integral pieces that already comprise our reality. Let’s focus on the multiple aspects of our lives that are functioning well and happily. Through that shift of energy and focus, it’s possible to feel the joy, meaning and inspiration we seek.

So the next time you’re checking out your groceries or using your co-worker’s hard work, remember to look them in the eye and utter the simple phrase ‘Thank you’; because the little things like that are the things that people really appreciate.